The Four Types of Reference-Experience Regarding Addiction:

Healthy = Bad

Unhealthy = Good

Unhealthy = Bad

Healthy = Good

• This is generally the order of how addiction begins and ends.

• As a person focuses more on Stage 2 Quadrants, there is more balance.

Disclaimer

It must be noted that nothing that is absolutely good or absolutely bad.

I view them as words for describing whether something aligns or misaligns with one's values.

Remember that people value different things differently;

A Spiral Dynamics Stage Red person is likely to view the police as bad, while a SD Stage Blue person is likely to view the police as good.

Check out The Spiral Dynamics Model for more about how human value systems evolve.

Theory

Healthy = Bad

I'm trying to get back into fasting for periods of one day, for three days a week. The experience of not getting what I want (pleasure from food) is painful. I want to stop the pain by breaking my fast. I know that the healthy thing to do would be to wait until tomorrow to eat, because I've built up enough reference experience in the past 6 months that fasting gives me dramatically more energy and zest for life.

When the mind is focused on Healthy = Bad, it refers to experiences which tell it that the healthy option is painful.

Examples:

• The pain of a drug/p*rn/food addict going cold turkey

• The pain of a social recluse trying to socialise

• The stress of

Unhealthy = Good

Referring to experiences that showed that the unhealthy option is good.

Examples:

• The sweet release of eating sugary food, experiencing orgasm, getting high, being drunk, etc.

Unhealthy = Bad

This is when the first feelings of guilt and self-reflection come.

The person now sees that their behaviour is ruining their life to some extent.

The first serious and determined efforts to make a change come after enough Unhealthy = Bad experience.

Real life examples:

• The overweight grandmother whose had enough of having to reject her grandchildren's invitations to play outside because of the stress that her knees must endure because of how heavy she is.

• The pornography addict who, after spending enough time on NoFap, sees how damaging masturbation to pornography is to their energy levels, social life, and views of sex.

• The immediate shame after indulging in addictive unhealthy behaviour.

Healthy = Good

Referring to experiences that showed that the healthy option is good.

This is what you want to focus on. This is where continuous joy is possible.

Examples:

• Remembering how alive I felt while on a fast, strawberry-picking with my mother.

• Remembering how alive I felt during a 40+ day NoFap streak

The person who is focusing on Unhealthy = Good should increase

experiences of Healthy = Good and Unhealthy = Bad

Homework

Separate your regular behaviours into two lists: healthy and unhealthy behaviours/activities that you do regularly.

Here's mine:

Meditation and conscious breathing

Reading

Running

Walking barefoot in the nearby nature reserve

Sticking to my schedule

Worrying

Thinking